


A Burden to Bare

by Amyrose47



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Sad, Short, Suffering, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 15:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16915704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amyrose47/pseuds/Amyrose47
Summary: Short and Sad. Set after 14x08. Some cursing, cause I swear like a sailor.





	A Burden to Bare

Dean was absolutely elated to have Jack back in the bunker! Maybe that's why he didn't notice that Cas seemed to disappear every time he was around. After a week of this behavior, however, Dean did start to become aware of it. 

For a while he had talked himself into believing that he was just imagining it. Though, after the second week, Dean was sure he was being ignored.

"Do you know if something's bothering Cas?" The older Winchester asked his brother one morning. Sam shrugged. "You're usually much better at reading the angel than I am. Why do you ask?" 

"I dunno. Never mind." Dean sighed before pouring himself a cup of coffee. Sam raised an eyebrow at him but didn't reply. 

Cas bounded into the kitchen to pass some information along to Sam. He didn't even look in Dean's direction. "Mornin' Cas." The hunter piped up. "Good morning." Cas stated blandly before turning around and exiting the room.

"I see what you mean." Sam affirmed. "Have you tried talking to him about it?" 

"Not yet." Dean scowled.

********************************

When Dean did finally decide to confront Cas about it, he couldn't find him. He scoured the bunker for well over thirty minutes before it occurred to him that he should check Cas' room. They had given that room to the angel as a kind gesture. He didn't even sleep, after all. But sure enough, that's where Dean found him. 

Dean hadn't even knocked, he just kinda barged in. 

"Oh. Shit. Sorry. I didn't think you'd actually be in here." 'Smooth. Real smooth.' Dean thought to himself. 

Cas was standing by his dresser, rifling through papers that had accumulated there. Dean's abrupt arrival startled the angel slightly but he quickly regained his composure. "It is my room Dean." He stated. Cas could feel his body tensing up as the Winchester walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Right. My bad. I...just wanted to check in with you. Everything alright?" The Winchester asked as he slowly approached his friend.

"Of Course. Why wouldn't it be?" Cas countered, taking a step back. 

Dean stopped walking and studied Cas' expression. Cas' eyes darted to the papers he was holding onto. 

"You're not mad at me, then?" Dean finally asked. 

Cas sighed. "No, I'm not mad at you, Dean." 

"Is there some other reason that you've been ignoring me then?" Dean asked blatantly. "Because you won't so much as look at me ever since we got Jack back." 

That captured the angel's attention. He finally looked at Dean. There was something...painful...hidden behind Cas' eyes.

"You know you can tell me anything, right Cas?" Dean's stride swallowed up the last bit of space between them. He was close. Uncomfortably close. 

"Dean..." He breathed. "Please...I can't tell you. You wouldn't understand." Cas pleaded.

"Try me." Dean offered. He raised a hand to rest on Cas' shoulder. The angel looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Whatever it is we'll work through it." He assured. 

"Dean...do you...Do you have feelings for me? Romantically?" The hunter was not prepared for that question. "Uh...I...what?" Dean sputtered. But Cas didn't elaborate. "I, uh, well, I'm, you know I'm not good at...expressing feelings..." Cas stood as still as a statue, holding the taller man's gaze. "Maybe? It's something that I wouldn't be against exploring. Why?" 

"Because it's occurred to me lately that you sometimes exhibit signs of infatuation towards me." Cas said. "Oh. So..you're ignoring me because you think I like you?" Castiel nodded in response. Dean was confused. "Are you avoiding me because you're afraid that I want something more from you, or because you're afraid that I don't?" 

Cas wanted nothing more than to tell the truth. To close the gap between his lips and Dean's. He wasn't even sure if he was right in assuming that his feelings weren't unrequited, but now that he was, he couldn't even act on it. This. This was the suffering that the empty wanted him to feel. He wanted to cry, to scream, to just say "Fuck it!" and kiss Dean. But he couldn't. So instead he told Dean, "I can't have a romantic relationship with you." It wasn't exactly a lie. 

"Why? Because your an angel and I'm a man? I don't care about that, Cas. I mean, fuck, we're already against the odds with everything else." Dean cupped Cas' jaw in his hand. The angel's stomach dropped at the touch. He's wanted this for so long, but it would be cruel to give in. "No." Cas said sternly, taking a step back and breaking the connection. "No. I don't want that kind of relationship with you. I don't...love you in that way." Castiel lied. 

A look of hurt flashed across the hunter's face before he could steel himself. "Oh. Well, then you won't have to worry about any more advancements." Dean said coldly. He turned on his heel and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, Cas burst into tears.

**Author's Note:**

> My happiness died with Cas'. Sorry for adding salt to the wounds, but I felt like I had to write it.


End file.
